Myself as a Communicator: My View and How Others View Me

This week I evaluated myself as a communicator using three tests:  Communication Anxiety, Verbal Aggressiveness, and Listening Styles.  Then, I had a family member and a co-worker evaluate me using the same three tests.  I was quite surprised by the results.

Communication Anxiety:

• My Personal Score - 45
• Family Member Scoring Me - 39
• Co-Worker Scoring Me - 39

Communication Anxiety Test Results:

Verbal Aggression:

• My Personal Score - 57
• Family Member Scoring Me - 60
• Co-Worker Scoring Me - 62

Verbal Aggression Test Results:

Listening Styles:

• My Personal Score - Group 1
• Family Member Scoring Me - Group 1
• Co-Worker Scoring Me - Group 1

Listening Skills Test Results:

Although the actual scoring number differed, I ended up in the same results range when comparing all of our scores.  I definitely agree with the results of the Communication Anxiety and Verbal Aggression tests.  However, when I finished the Listening Skills test, I thought I more matched the description for Group 2.

I even took the test again, but still ended up in Group 1.  I assumed that when I had the others take the test, especially my co-worker, I would result in Group 2.  But, both resulted in Group 1.  It was definitely interesting to learn that my personal view of myself as a communicator matches how others view me as a communicator!

Communication Within Different Groups

Do you communicate the same no matter who you are with?

I certainly don't!

I am most comfortable and most myself with my family and my close friends.  I can share my thoughts on any topic without fear, even if we disagree.  For instance, I have friends and family that have completely opposite political views, yet we can express are opposing views freely because we still love and respect one another.  When I am with my family and friends, I tend to use a lot of sarcasm.  I know that not every body understands sarcasm so I am careful not to use it outside of my family and friends.

At work, I spend most of my time consciously thinking about my communication.  I am most comfortable when communicating with children at work.  That's when I can relax the most because it's as if my brain automatically turns off my sarcasm.  Some of my best conversations at work are with children.  When communicating with families, co-workers, and supervisors, I am constantly thinking before I speak and I am constantly aware of my facial expressions and my body language.  And, honestly, I am so exhausted by the end of the day just from how much conscious effort I put into my communication with others while at work.

Another group that I communicate differently with are those that I know are very religious.  I was raised in the Roman Catholic faith and I am a Christian.  However, I also have the mouth of a sailor at times!  So, I make sure to reign in those words and off-color humor when I'm around friends or acquaintances that I know would be uncomfortable.

Some strategies I use for communicating are presented in 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families:

• Become consciously aware of nonverbal behaviors and recognize your own patterns of nonverbal behavior.'
• When another person's values or beliefs are different, try looking at things from their perspective.
• When discussing differences, be sensitive in order to reduce or eliminate defensiveness.

Reference

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Mute On, Mute Off

Communication involves more than just verbal exchanges.  Non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and body language are also part of communication.  So, what happens to understanding communications when the sound is muted on a television show? (No, the subtitles are not turned on either!)  Can you follow the program?  Maybe, if you are familiar with the show.  But, what about a show you haven't watched before?

I grew up watching Tony Randall and Jack Klugman as Felix Unger and Oscar Madison in The Odd Couple.  I have not watched the remake starring Thomas Lennon and Matthew Perry.  So, I decided to watch an episode of the new Odd Couple on mute to see if I could follow the episode through the non-verbal cues.  The non-verbal cues that were most present were facial expressions and very limited body language.

I rewatched the episode with the sound on.  I had accurately identified when characters were happy, shocked, angry (arguing), and confused.  In one scene, I knew that Oscar was being consoled by Felix because after an arguement Felix placed his hand on Oscar's shoulder and his face displayed empathy.  I had mistakenly assumed that Oscar was tired at the beginning of the episode; I discovered that he was actually hungover.  I also had difficulty in reading sarcasm through non-verbal cues.  Overall, I had a general understanding of what the episode had been about, but having both the verbal and non-verbal communication made comprehension so much better.  Give it a try and let me know your experience!

P.S.  I prefer Jack Klugman as Oscar Madison!

Good Communicator

What makes someone a great communicator?  There could be different qualities that appeal to different people.  However, most good communicators know how to communicate on a personal level.  They know how to be specific, they don't pack a lot of fluff into what they are saying and they stay on topic.  Good communicators ask questions and ask for clarification when things aren't clear.  They can read body language and they are good at controlling their own body language.  Most importantly, good communicators are good listeners.

My supervisor is a great communicator!  She has a calm demeanor, speaks clearly, and is sensitive to how others are feeling.  She can put a positive spin on difficult situations.  I'm not sure if I could ever actually communicate as well as she does becuase her sensitivity and positive affect are a part of her personality.  I am more direct and not as "warm and fuzzy."

Professional Hopes and Goals

Diversity and equity work is a continual process of learning and growing.  My hope is that all of the children and families who come from diverse backgrounds that I work with will work with me to build relationships and feel supported.  We are all working to ensure that children are successful as they grow and learn.

As I continue to work in the early childhood field, one of my goals will be to continue to personally work with anti-bias education.  Professionally, I would like to help other early childhood educators become more self-aware.  In my current position, I am already working to set up trainings for our teachers that focus on anti-bias education and diversity in early childhood classrooms.

 

Thank you to my colleagues for being open, for rich discussions, for sharing ideas, and for providing an environment of support!

Welcoming Families From Around the World

According to the U.S. census bureau, the United States population is made up of individuals and families from 150 different countries.  Here in Connecticut, there are individuals and families that identify as Italian American, Irish American, English American, African American, German American, Portuguese American Polish American, Hungarian American, and French Canadian.  There are individuals and families from Puerto Rico, China, Jamaica, Guatemala, Haiti, Dominican Republic, Mexico, India, Philippines, Laos, Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, Brazil, Panama, Cape Verde, and former Soviet countries.  Early childhood education programs throughout Connecticut are becoming more diverse.  In the child care center where I work, we are seeing an increase in children and families from Haiti.

Here are some steps I can take to prepare myself and the teachers to be culturally responsive towards the children and families coming from Haiti:

• Research family culture in Haiti.
• Learn some basic words and phrases in the Creole language.
• Research the early childhood education system in Haiti.
• During the enrollment process, get to know the family through conversation and having them fill out our family/culture information paperwork.  Also, arrange for an interpreter if necessary.
• Arrange for the child and family to spend time in the classroom prior to the child's first day.

In researching family culture in Haiti, I discovered that in Haitian families, children are thought to be gifts from God, and parents, particularly mothers, will do almost anything to ensure that their children's basic needs are met, even if it means neglecting their own basic needs.  Family and community support are common within Haiti. It is not uncommon for children to be raised by extended family members and members of their community in addition to their families.  Respect and obedience are characteristics that are valued by Haitian families.  Haitian parents teach their children to protect the family structure and privacy and to respect their elders.  Finally, when working with Haitian‐American families, it will be important to remember that “appropriate discipline” varies from culture to culture and, in Haiti, many families use physical punishment as their primary means of discipline (http://www.in.gov/isdh/files/Hatian_Culture_tip_sheet-IDMH.pdf).

Haiti is the poorest nation in the Western hemisphere.  Preschools in Haiti are mostly private and most families cannot afford to send their children.  Haitians can be very expressive and speak loudly which may be misinterpreted as anger.

Some Creole words and phrases:

• hello = alo
• welcome = akeyi
• friends = zanmi
• bathroom = twalèt
• Nice to meet you! = Nice al kontre ou !

The Personal Side of Bias, Prejudice, and Opression

On February 15, 1981, I was just about two months shy of my eleventh birthday and I was watching television in the family room.  The Jeffersons was about to come on and it was one of my favorite programs.  That night's episode was titled, "Sorry, Wrong Meeting," and it changed my life.

I have found the full episode and watched it again.  Thirty-four years have passed and it still impacts me.  The episode is about racism, particularly between whites and blacks.  Please, watch the episode (this video repeats part of the episode after it ends about 21 minutes in).

Spoilers ahead!


Hopefully, you took the time to watch the episode.  I saw it on the night it first aired.  As a ten year old white girl, I was shocked and stunned.  I remember sitting in the living room in disbelief after the episode ended.  How could anyone have so much hatred towards another person based on the color of their skin?  How could anyone prefer death over having a black person save their life?  It made no sense to me at ten years old and it makes no sense to me at forty-five years old.

Since I first saw this episode, I have unfortunately witnessed racism in many forms including microaggressions.  I have also met many people who stand against racism.  Has there been a defining moment in your life that helped to form your views on racism?