Myself as a Communicator: My View and How Others View Me

This week I evaluated myself as a communicator using three tests:  Communication Anxiety, Verbal Aggressiveness, and Listening Styles.  Then, I had a family member and a co-worker evaluate me using the same three tests.  I was quite surprised by the results.

Communication Anxiety:

• My Personal Score - 45
• Family Member Scoring Me - 39
• Co-Worker Scoring Me - 39

Communication Anxiety Test Results:

Verbal Aggression:

• My Personal Score - 57
• Family Member Scoring Me - 60
• Co-Worker Scoring Me - 62

Verbal Aggression Test Results:

Listening Styles:

• My Personal Score - Group 1
• Family Member Scoring Me - Group 1
• Co-Worker Scoring Me - Group 1

Listening Skills Test Results:

Although the actual scoring number differed, I ended up in the same results range when comparing all of our scores.  I definitely agree with the results of the Communication Anxiety and Verbal Aggression tests.  However, when I finished the Listening Skills test, I thought I more matched the description for Group 2.

I even took the test again, but still ended up in Group 1.  I assumed that when I had the others take the test, especially my co-worker, I would result in Group 2.  But, both resulted in Group 1.  It was definitely interesting to learn that my personal view of myself as a communicator matches how others view me as a communicator!

Communication Within Different Groups

Do you communicate the same no matter who you are with?

I certainly don't!

I am most comfortable and most myself with my family and my close friends.  I can share my thoughts on any topic without fear, even if we disagree.  For instance, I have friends and family that have completely opposite political views, yet we can express are opposing views freely because we still love and respect one another.  When I am with my family and friends, I tend to use a lot of sarcasm.  I know that not every body understands sarcasm so I am careful not to use it outside of my family and friends.

At work, I spend most of my time consciously thinking about my communication.  I am most comfortable when communicating with children at work.  That's when I can relax the most because it's as if my brain automatically turns off my sarcasm.  Some of my best conversations at work are with children.  When communicating with families, co-workers, and supervisors, I am constantly thinking before I speak and I am constantly aware of my facial expressions and my body language.  And, honestly, I am so exhausted by the end of the day just from how much conscious effort I put into my communication with others while at work.

Another group that I communicate differently with are those that I know are very religious.  I was raised in the Roman Catholic faith and I am a Christian.  However, I also have the mouth of a sailor at times!  So, I make sure to reign in those words and off-color humor when I'm around friends or acquaintances that I know would be uncomfortable.

Some strategies I use for communicating are presented in 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families:

• Become consciously aware of nonverbal behaviors and recognize your own patterns of nonverbal behavior.'
• When another person's values or beliefs are different, try looking at things from their perspective.
• When discussing differences, be sensitive in order to reduce or eliminate defensiveness.

Reference

Gonzalez-Mena, J. (2010). 50 strategies for communicating and working with diverse families. Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Education, Inc.

Mute On, Mute Off

Communication involves more than just verbal exchanges.  Non-verbal cues such as facial expressions and body language are also part of communication.  So, what happens to understanding communications when the sound is muted on a television show? (No, the subtitles are not turned on either!)  Can you follow the program?  Maybe, if you are familiar with the show.  But, what about a show you haven't watched before?

I grew up watching Tony Randall and Jack Klugman as Felix Unger and Oscar Madison in The Odd Couple.  I have not watched the remake starring Thomas Lennon and Matthew Perry.  So, I decided to watch an episode of the new Odd Couple on mute to see if I could follow the episode through the non-verbal cues.  The non-verbal cues that were most present were facial expressions and very limited body language.

I rewatched the episode with the sound on.  I had accurately identified when characters were happy, shocked, angry (arguing), and confused.  In one scene, I knew that Oscar was being consoled by Felix because after an arguement Felix placed his hand on Oscar's shoulder and his face displayed empathy.  I had mistakenly assumed that Oscar was tired at the beginning of the episode; I discovered that he was actually hungover.  I also had difficulty in reading sarcasm through non-verbal cues.  Overall, I had a general understanding of what the episode had been about, but having both the verbal and non-verbal communication made comprehension so much better.  Give it a try and let me know your experience!

P.S.  I prefer Jack Klugman as Oscar Madison!

Good Communicator

What makes someone a great communicator?  There could be different qualities that appeal to different people.  However, most good communicators know how to communicate on a personal level.  They know how to be specific, they don't pack a lot of fluff into what they are saying and they stay on topic.  Good communicators ask questions and ask for clarification when things aren't clear.  They can read body language and they are good at controlling their own body language.  Most importantly, good communicators are good listeners.

My supervisor is a great communicator!  She has a calm demeanor, speaks clearly, and is sensitive to how others are feeling.  She can put a positive spin on difficult situations.  I'm not sure if I could ever actually communicate as well as she does becuase her sensitivity and positive affect are a part of her personality.  I am more direct and not as "warm and fuzzy."