Moving Forward

In my last blog post, I talked about the adjourning stage.  We have now reached the adjourning stage of our Communication and Collaboration in the Early Childhood Field course.  As each course comes to an end, I am amazed that I am one step closer to earning my MS in ECS!

One of the greatest communication tools that we have been using since we began our graduate studies journey is our blogs.  I believe we all have a lot to share with and learn from one another.  Moving forward, I intend to continue my blog and follow my colleagues as well.

Thank you all for being a part of this journey!

Adjourning Stage

This week we have been focusing on the five stages of team development: forming, storming, norming, performing, and adjourning.  I have been in many groups and teams throughout my life so far.  For the ones that I was in where we had reached the performing stage...well, I must admit that progressing to the adjourning stage was never easy.  It can be hard to say goodbye, but the closure is necessary in order to keep moving forward.

In thinking back, I believe the hardest group for me to leave was a dance company I had been a part of for several years.  I had danced with the same group of dancers from childhood through my first two years of college.  We had grown up together.  We were an amazing performing company that moved through choreography seemlessly.  It had been my second home.  But, adulthood was calling...finishing college, working full-time, getting engaged...it was time to say goodbye.  In my last summer with the dance company, we traveled to Tennessee for a dance convention and national dance competition.  When we returned home, I said goodbye to everyone as if I would see them all the next day at the studio.  I have such wonderful memories of my years dancing with that company.  They will live in my heart and mind forever.

I have three more graduate courses to complete in order to earn my master's degree.  I love learning and am currently considering whether or not I will continue on to earn my EdS or EdD in early childhood education.  One thing I have really appreciated through my graduate studies is the support from my colleagues as we learn together.  Our adjournment will be our graduation and what a wonderful way to say goodbye!

Working Through Conflicts

This week, I was asked to think about any disagreements or conflicts that I have experienced or am experiencing with a supervisor or colleague at work or with someone in my personal life.  I had to think about this for awhile because I am not currently in any disagreements or conflicts with any one.  So, I decided to revisit an old conflict that has not been resolved.

The "Disagreement":

A couple of years ago, I was in a tumultuous time in my life.  For reasons I'd rather not go into, my husband was unable to be at home and unable to work.  I found myself in a position of raising our two kids on just my income.  I was trying to qualify for a mortgage modification to stop foreclosure on our home.  I had very little spare time.  I was working full-time, going to school full-time, keeping busy with my children and their activities, and visiting my husband whenever I could.  An ex-friend, chose to re-enter my life and wanted to become friends again.

We met for lunch.  I felt it was awkward.  After that lunch, she texted me and messaged me over social media constantly.  She had things going on in her life and seemed to really need a friend.  So, I decided to try to do the friendship thing.

One day, I met her again for lunch.  During lunch, she said that she doesn't like that I don't make more time to go out with friends (namely her) and that it's so frustrating trying to set up time with me.  By this time she knew what was going on in my life, so I just reminded her that I had a lot going on in my life.  She said that I should visit my husband less.  I was taken aback by this and said that visiting my husband less was not an option.  She stated that I was being ridiculous.  She was raising her voice and continued to discuss how I should make more time for her by spending less time visiting my husband.

The "Strategies":

In reflecting on the outcome of the above conflict, I realized that I had used some of the strategies that come from practicing nonviolent communication.  One of the skills of nonviolent communication is:

"Connecting with the universal human needs/values in us that are being met or not met in relation to what is happening and how we are feeling (Center for Nonviolent Communication)."

Another skill of nonviolent communication is:

Requesting what we would like in a way that clearly and specifically states what we do want and that is truly a request and not a demand (Center for Nonviolent Communication)."

I realized in the moment that her attack came from her need for emotional support and a friend or companion that could spend a lot of time with her.  I also knew that I was not the person to fulfill her needs and she was not capable, at that time, to understand my feelings and needs.  I did tell her how I felt, but it did not resolve the conflict.  When she called me the next day, I told her that I just do not think I can continue to be her friend.  She screamed and yelled and told me that I will regret it.  She said that I will end up alone and lonely.  After that call, she sent me a few messages over social media and I just chose to not respond.

I feel the conflict was never really resolved, however I also have no desire to try to resolve it.

Have you ever had a conflict that you never truly resolved?

Resource
The Center for Nonviolent Communication. (n.d.). The center for nonviolent communication. Retrieved from http://www.cnvc.org/